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User talk:Tony Potato
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Disney - White Noise page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 04:00, March 20, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:01, March 20, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:52, March 23, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story It was deleted because it wasn't up to quality standards. For having three days to revise your story, there are an inordinate number of errors here ranging from capitalization, punctuation, wording, to story issues. Capitalization: Improperly capitalized words. ""Daddy, why is Mickey being so scary?" He (he) asked,", ""H-How (H-how) did you..."", "move. pulled (Pulled) out knives,", " frozen. and slit their own throats.", etc. Punctuation: A number of sentences are missing punctuation. "The episode on the tape: "White Noise"(.)", "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha", etc. Punctuation left outside of quotations. ""Your heart will suffer greatly",", ""... It's not over yet...",", ""Suffer", he said.", etc. Punctuation improperly used. "The mascots then reached to their sides,(should be a period as it ends a paragraph)" Wording: "my occupation consists of research on historical phenomenon (phenomenons should be used as you reference multiple events).", "it peaked (piqued) my interest.", "Mar just stared at the bloody mess", etc. Redundancies: "it's part of my job to examine such things, but there was one thing in particular." There are a lot of fragmented sentences here. "Huge mistake.", "For fucking children.", "He spoke.", etc. Story issues: Starting with the basics, this feels like you were attempting to do a lost episode story (Protagonist receives a mysterious video from an unknown source that contains pointless gore). The person who originally marked it for review also mentioned its use of cliches. A majority of your paragraphs are only one sentence long. While this can be done once in a while for effect, doing it ten plus times comes off like padding. As does cutting sentences off midway through: "Then he grinned, and stuck his hand in the propeller." Story issues cont.: The flow of the story needs review as you have lines like this: "I'm forced to step out of my comfort zone to take a look at something. Whether it be an old doll, or anything generic like that." that directly contradict. How is something outside of his range of expertise considered generic? The latter half of the story feels very rushed. All in all, there is a lot of work to be done here with the formatting, capitalization, punctuation, wording, and story issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:01, March 23, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:18, May 20, 2016 (UTC) Re: As you've made a Deletion Appeal in the past you're familiar with the process. Even re-written stories need to go through that process as the core concept is generally the same. That being said, making an appeal now without using the writer's workshop is not a very good idea. Authors tend to overlook a lot of issues on their own stories (both mechanical and story-wise) and we tend to avoid giving multiple reviews for the same story due to it fostering a "throw everything and the kitchen sink until something sticks" approach. I would strongly suggest taking your time here as deleted stories tend to be rushed to the appeal and may overlook a lot. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:31, July 1, 2016 (UTC) MrDupin (talk) 23:39, November 9, 2016 (UTC)